I'm An Idiot.

I spent half an hour in the liquor store parking lot looking for the batmobile. Lucky for me, it wasn't that crowded, and I could just meander up and down the aisles until I found her. I had scored a close spot, and not in an aisle (near the building), so I just looked like an idiot.

They totally had Turn Left Energy Drink on sale for $.69! I had heard about this about a year ago--it was supposed to be marketed at NASCAR 'necks. It claims to be "liquid horsepower." The can queries, "How Fast Do You Want To Go?"

In its raw form, it's pretty ghastly, like most beverages in this category.

My dudes, they should've marketed this at alcoholic drivers. A fifty-percent vodka and fifty-percent Turn Left Energy Drink beverage (essentially a Dr. Vodka with Turn Left Energy Drink) is some certainly potent shit.

I'm going to have another pint of this and see if it actually enhances my driving ability. I'll bet I can outrun Statey on the wrong side of I-25. If only the batmobile were running better, right?

Product Review: Brookstone Tranquil Moments Sound Therapy System

My mother really knows how to pick a weird gift. For my birthday, I was the lucky recipient of the "Brookstone Tranquil Moments Sound Therapy System." I am only familiar with the Brookstone via those in-flight catalogs that I've perused when I forgot a book or music or both and didn't feel like getting drunk on a flight (usually, I had to work upon landing, so getting bombed wasn't an option).

This is right up my alley, really, since I have dabbled with the brainwave synchronization toys in CoolEdit (now Adobe Audition--I really like the Adobe software, although I don't think that anyone else uses that platform).

This unit has twelve sounds, organized into three banks (consult manual):

• Relax
• Ocean Surf: The ocean surf provides a calm rhythm that help create a relaxing oceanside environment.
• Thunderstorm: Relax to the exhilarating, but soothing sound of distant thunder as gentle rain falls upon a remote lake.
• Serenity: The calming and delicately slowed sounds of the acient Indian Tamboura and a gentle, rippling stream activate alpha-brainwave patterns to promote a healthy, enjoyable state of relaxation.
• Unwind: A soothing array of musical instruments and slowed natural human body sounds stimulate alpha brainwaves for the ultimate in deep relaxation.
• Sleep
• White Noise: The steady flow of a cascading waterfall is perfect as a "natural white noise" for masking unwanted background sounds.
• Rain: A tranquil rainfall provides a peaceful setting for sleep. The rain sound is particularly good at masking higher toned background noise.
• Celestial: Deep pulsations from string instruments coax your mind into a delta-brainwave state, thereby encouraging a restful and rejuvenating sleep.
  
• Summer Night: A slowed chorus of crickets combined with NASA-recorded sounds from Jupiter activate delta brainwaves and create a wonderfully calming sleep environment.
• Renew
• Stream: a rippling mountain stream helps you unwind and creates an excellent background sound for daily activities in the home or at the office.
• Meditate: The enlightening tones of Tibetan singing bowls played at various speeds are blended with instruments, slowed sounds of a stream and bird to activate theta brainwaves, thereby creating an ideal meditation state.
• Focus: Authentic NASA recordings from Earth's orbit and the smallest moon of Uranus (Miranda) are mixed with music for a unique and effective theta-brainwave enhancing sound environment.
• Rejuvenate: The appealing slowed sounds of an Austrian zither and rain stimulate theta-brainwave activity to provide a natural, gentle and revitalizing lift.
  

After two nights, I am unimpressed, friends. I'll grant that I've only tried the "Jovian Crickets" setting for a nap (lame), and the "deep pulsations from string instruments" setting [I'd rather rock out to Lygeti's (another weirdo Hungarian) Lux Aeterna, really]. The machine is trying, my droogs, but I believe that I'm listening too hard. I'm waiting for the change. Perhaps I've been listening to coast to coast am too long to go to sleep (saved my life).

It seems to work better after taking 40 mg of the melatonin, but I think that anything would be pleasant at that point.