Refuse collection, a deadly occupation

i had totally forgotten that this is a dangerous deal. luckily, i'm only on a truck part-time, to learn routes. here's a cool article about the lethality. a 1,200 pound dumpster tried to fall on me today, but i was simply too quick. "haha! you will not kill me on the first day, bitch."

moving that fast injured my neck. oh well.

dream

i was in a psychaitrist's office. dude was telling me strategies to control meltdowns. some of it was pretty reasonable. other things are probably true, but i didn't want to hear them.

ACK.

that was some nap, but now i'm awake and cold. unrememberable bad dreams.

a repost from marie and

what's wrong with people? be aware that there are assholes amongst us (put on your surprised face, right?).

Attention friends--
Some bitch ran a red light and hit the poor Heart Beat and sent me spinning off the road!! Then she just took off!!! What the fuck!?!?! Who does that? Now my car is fucked. Be on the look out for a red four door ford with three kids in the back seat. People suck!!

john bonham was mighty

if you're really really bored, and require drums to rockout (tm) to, here is a decent page. i think that bonham was one of the greats. he was getting it entirely. swing?!? fuck, man. dude totally got it. and listen to those monsterous sounds. holy smokes! lining the drums with aluminum foil is awesome. huge fills. huge. makes me wish that i could drum better. i'm a danger to a drum kit, truly. with a single kick, these parts are pretty much insane. he was a machine. love that you can hear him mumbling (counting) on some of those out-take tracks. beautiful. more like some insane person, really. i suppose that a lot of rock musicians make weird noises when we play. thank jesus for di bass.

some sort of clockwork orange outfit and a ludwig vistalite kit to the right.

so sad that he had a problem with the booze.

back to earth....i need to settle down and sleep for what awaits me in the a.m.

increased productivity (another epic post of mania)

the purge having been derailed, i commenced with the other things to be done:

laundry;
duvet fighting (comical--at least i couldn't stop laughing--the cat thought that i was in trouble);
floor cleaning;
visiting toby in lafayette (dude saved me again--can't lose touch with him. it seems like we could actually be friends now that we're not co-workers. and...he's not involved with music or publishing, which is amazing);
drinking iced coffee on the patio at paris [so good to bask and suck coffee with a straw (mahoney says that "john wayne doesn't use straws." i totally did today)];
chillin' in a park in denver;
pa system procuring (thank you to maddog. can't believe that the dude hugged me. love that guy. why do people hug me so much?);
guitar-player acquiring; and
rock-song playing.

totally a shakey shakey day with lots of out of body feelings. i do not like being a nervous wreck like this. maybe i should take some of my lobotomy pills and have a drink.

the rock was incredibly satisfying--i needed the therapy. twice a week for free is way way better than any psychiatrist. they always have encouraged me to play rock anyway. that, and smoke marijuana to quiet my social anxiety and general nerves. it's too bad that the weed has so many side effects:

stupidity;
breast-growing;
cotton mouth;
munchies;

actually, i think that the breast-growing might only be a result of the weight gain from the munchies. whatev...i can't function properly if i'm high, for sure. i never thought that i would say that.

i think that we've got some songs that will really move people. scotty does have that elliott smith thing going on. can be pristene, but then turn really dirty. i dig it. we ran through our stuff twice and then started with a bunch of covers just for fun. kinks, cream, hendrix, VU...you can get the idea. i'm still getting way into listening to the solos. it's like those three notes after the initial frenetic phrase on page's solo on rock and roll. really, those three notes are beautiful. it's too bad that it's the anthem of cadillac. scott rages on the wank-fest. the tone is a lot like zeppelin i or stairway (telecaster solos). this is what i love about playing bass--i can just enjoy listening to music and let the fingers do the talking (or walking as the case may be). it's sort of nuture-y, which is cool, also. i'm all about hanging out and thunder. and now, i'm the man that runs the board (no one else understands the not so mighty soundcraft--but we used this same exact board for years when i was with RC. it's funny that equipment floats around town like that).

we discussed recording strategies, also. everyone is on the same page, which is outstanding. i wonder if the furnace room has more mics now--trevor was all about live recording. or, andrew, if he's not actually on my enemies list.

i got busted for hanging back too much today. it was with a "do whatever you feel" disclaimer, though. i'm still figuring out the dynamic, man.

feisch requires an amp. if anyone knows of a decent tube combo for sale in the $300-400 range, email me. something that sounds decent with a 335. this is something that's holding us back and this solid state bullshit just sounds bad (or fucking horrible). i never thought that i was an amplifer snob, but i am. andrew warner told me that i was a tone snob a few years ago, and i blew him off. it's true.

the purge

again with attempting to get out the old. i found an old photo from much "happier" days--about 1997 or 1998 with otis. otis was the beagle that hope and i kept. i suppose that she came with the dog, but i really actually enjoyed having a dog. he went with her with the other pets.

for some reason, this is really bothering me this morning. twice i've just walked away from stuff without considering the collateral damage that i'm going to inflict on myself. it comes back at bad times.

ack. i'm having a meltdown and have a lot to do this morning.

i think that i want a tuba.

Dream

a kid steals my cell phone and i freak out on him. his father is not amused. sledding (which is something that i've never even done). domestic life with the ex-girlfriend. jenn is in a car accident and disfigured.

really lovely, right? my headache is gone, but stressed-out shoulders instead.

Commence word salad (this one got epic)

Dali couldn't even paint this shit. things have been unruly the last couple of days. basically, an emotional wreck. I'll steal my fav Dali painting for this post, though.

nitwit (aka neat-white, nitty, nee-tai, pumpkin, fatty, grey, cat) killed a cricket. she bit its head off and brought its body to me. bad bad luck to kill jiminy like that. she was so proud of herself, though. cat gifts can't be denied. i love her.

one of my hard drives totally bit the dust. This really could have sucked. I have some really precious audio files that will be really cool to work with some day when i'm motivated by time or money. Essentially, I have a lot of unreleased, previously deleted, RC stuff in my care that really shouldn't be lost to the binary gnomes. I'm in the process of data recovery to a new, more robust (bad ass) drive, but it's really really really slow-going. Less than $.50 per gigabyte is a steal for a fast, external 300 GB.

I have no idea what I'm going to do with my parting gift certificate. I really don't need anything at all. This is causing all sorts of anguish. Free money for conspicuous consumption isn't even my thing--I usually won't even use gift certificates, honestly. I'm thinking that I should get a nice case (one with hinges intact) and a case of bass strings, but that's so damn pragmatic it's not even funny.

as far as non-pragmatic goes, Kurt has agreed to assist me with the creation of an additional persona. With the dissolution of JZ, scientist, I decided that i really need to cultivate another. I'm very excited and a little weird about it. And, I'm intentionally being vague. if you have his card, you can dig what this is all about, though. I need to call that guy. love him.

I need to do laundry.

I have had a splitting headache for three days. It's like being hung over, but I'm really behaving myself. Something in the air is really fucking with my sinuses. I'm not going to the rockshow (TM) tonight because of it. I'm a real sob for not going.

the show was alright last night. I only had a single beer. Old haunts die hard, though. I had epic conversations with Luke and Brent (both wonderful people to talk to). Going to shows alone is really easy when I enable the social switch. I think that I weirded tom out a little with sobriety. I don't think that he's quite used to seeing me completely manic. Andrew Warner dissed me and walked past when I tried to say hello. wtf is with that?!? That hurt, and thus, i left the show a bit early. I'm completely freaked out by that non-interaction. fuck. the modelesque girl sat down at the same table without saying a word. i walked away. i will not fuck up this good thing that i've got.

I ran into one of the heathers, too. I was completely surprised, actually. I didn't know that she was back in the Denver. I hadn't seen her since our encounter in the rain in an alley in the tenderloin district of san Francisco. We both agreed that it was a great previous encounter. Really, it doesn't get much more classic than this quote: "the last time I saw you, I was completely wrecked it was raining and you didn't think that I even liked you and I proved you wrong in that alley in San Francisco." It's a somewhat romantic image, even if it's totally not. much more like drunken madness (but isn't that really what rome was all about, though?). Would've made a great photo in an artsy sort of way. I was so totally wrecked. That was the night of journey dirty dancing and talking an additional woman out of her clothes, and watching her pee out of a third story window. that winter 2004 tour was classic. tito claims that it was fun. probably too much, i'm sure.

onto today.....

I'm so so superstoked that jenn agreed to go up to Lyons with me today. She seemed pretty damn comfortable with them. Much more than Vera does. Mahoney didn't act too much like he had a stroke--he didn't stutter too much and his vocab was decent. I was pretty concerned that he'd come off as a nutbag. My mother had to mention her grandchildren jonez. Sometimes, I could just about strangle her. it wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't given jenn the staredown as she talkeed shit. jenn didn't even react, though. I love her. Children is something that's completely alien to me. i think that it was completely inappropriate of my mother to pull that shit. i was totally more nervous about this afternoon than she was because of the "big tits" episode in 1991. basically, they've settled down, or that talk that i had with them years ago actually made a difference.

both of them said that she seems really great. they didn't do the usual post-girl-meeting shit-- "she wears too much makeup," "she's stupid," "what do you see in her," "she has huge tits," "she's ugly," "jeremy, you can do better," "does she think that she's a vampire," "she dresses inappropriately," "what's with those shoes," "women that wear anklets are prositutes, you know," and "she's crazy." looking back on the previous females, they were right, though. have i finally won the girl game? i have thought so, and doubted myself, but maybe i'm actually right this time. generally, i seek out the wrong wrong girls. when my friends and parents both think that someone seems right, maybe i ought to take a hint? i shouldn't give a shit about what other people think, right? this is my old attitude, and i think that it actually does matter. these people know me pretty well. I ought to at least consider their thoughts, i suppose. all of this stuff makes me feel much better about the jenn situation, although i've been independantly evaluating it a lot lately.

here it goes (i've thought a lot about it this afternoon/evening): even if skiddish man is really (perhaps overly) cautious, I'm starting to think that I need to tell him to get fucked. indeed, the feelings are starting to get the best of me as far as jenn goes, and I'm inclined to just let them, even if I think that it's going to sketch her out. I really care too much about her to willingly freak her out, though. I cherish every moment that I have with her; every phone call; every voice mail (welcome to the future). I stopped short of unloading everything on her this afternoon (and in this post), and that was/is kind of lame. I think that I'm allowing myself to fall in love.

i need to work on the we've been "not dating" for eight months. it seems reasonable to me that we're indeed a couple (this post is going to get me into trouble, isn't it?). it could be an appropriate time for coupledom. she made my day+ by answering a really lame question a couple of days ago (the impetus for most of my thoughts about the "us situation"). i thought that i could articulate better in writing (or typing as the case may be), but i cannot.

in short, I've quit my job, went to a rockshow (TM) reconnected with some friends, flaked out on a show, fallen in love, been embarrassed, and succombed to a new alter-ego that wears a lot more leather.

abbey road wins the top albums competition tonight. fucking amazing. makes me weep, laugh, shudder, smile, move. ringo is the greatest rock drummer ever.

incredible

Leaving the bliss of this morning was really difficult. Like a good little robot, I went to work.

I had no idea of the happenings today. I got a tremendous send off. I even got my fucking parade with hats and horns. Bourbon. Some mad money (that blew me away). A giant card. Cake (like i needed that). Love letters. Hugs.

I totally had to take a drive so that I didn't go to pieces and embarass myself. You were right when you said that I would miss this. I'm going to miss a lot of these people. They aren't all morons.

Dream

The source on this one isn't much of a mystery. it was sort of an amalgamation of a couple of jenn conversations from the evening. I ended up conflicted, and went to consult with some sort of jedi council. the set looked an awful lot like the smoking lounge at dia. there were these black leather clad folks giving me advice on what to do. I'm certain that they were not cenobites from hellraiser. They had these metal figurines (like d&d) which made it sort of like clash of the titans.

it appears that I made the correct decision, and actually, we lived happily ever after. it was a good dream.

why?

i just don't get it. $49, two points and two minutes. this means that i can do some other stuff today. nothing really needs to be done, though. i'm sure that i can figure something out to amuse myself.

in the court of the crimson king

but not quite. i'm not looking forward to this, actually. haggling over plea bargins isn't what traffic court should be, but it is. this morning's soundtrack is "jesus christ surferstar." a fucking hilarious find. the idea is great, but essentially it's instrumental versions with tons of reverb on the guitars. it could be better. a relevant graphic ought to be forbidden.

looking forward to the rockshow tonight.