sometimes, i wish that i could hang onto friendships better. maybe i'm needing needy, if that makes sense. i just don't feel drawn to people like i should. i feel like i'm slipping away from everyone. no. that's wrong. i'm letting myself slip away. it's really crummy. i just haven't had a real urge to hang out with anyone lately. pretty much, i work, sleep, go to rehearsals, go home, drink, read, write. i've been hanging out with erich about once a week. that keeps me current on him, at least.



i think that it's wrong to feel this way about everyone. i don't feel like it's wrong, though. maybe i've just gotten used to lonely again. i'm pretty happy, i think. i've been taking supplements that seem to have equalized my bs. maybe it's just a placebo, though. i feel good. i'm not agonizing about things. i just feel cold, basically. i'm relatively indifferent about work, friends, acquiantances, rock. it's like the bipolar patient on meds, no emotions, just empty. cold, good, empty. it's peculiar. i shouldn't have read conquest of happiness. i suppose that it was worthwhile, but it has changed my outlook on some stuff.